It’s common for marriages to start off well. Everyone lives blissfully, including their parent’s friends and other relatives because the newly married couple is happy. The start is usually plain sailing. However, the honeymoon period doesn’t last forever, and problems arise. Of course, it’s natural for this to happen over time but small problems can escalate if they aren’t dealt with accordingly.
Below Islamic Social Services colleague Shahina Siddiqui shares her advice for couples going through difficult times in their marriage. She highlights common problems that arise and how to manage them. At the top of the list for most marital problems is money. Financial stress is one of the number one reasons for marital problems. The key to fixing such issues is to speak honestly and open within the family and with your partner.
The decision of whether the wife will work outside of the family home is something that you should discuss as soon as possible. You should talk about the decision before marriage. If the wife chooses to work and her husband supports her choice, then it needs to be decided whether she will contribute a proportion of her salary towards household expenses. Alternatively, she may choose not to share her wages and keep it for herself.
A superb idea to prevent arguments about money is to create a manageable budget. You should use the budget to monitor things like income and investments. Creating a realistic budget will also be helpful in setting a framework for caring for everyday necessities such as child care if required.
It’s worth considering any debt that you have when you create a budget too. For instance, many young people have a student loan that needs to be paid. Ensure that you take these kinds of factors into account. Also, benefit from offers such as interest-free loans and the different types of help available.
Second on the list of potential marital problems are the in-laws. Many couples blame the in-laws when facing marital difficulties. There are many things that you can do to ensure that you remain on good terms with your in-laws.
So here are the main tips:
• Never give your partner an ‘It’s them or me’ ultimatum. Their family has raised them and loved and known them a lot longer than you have, don’t put them in that position.
• Don’t pass too many comments about your partner’s relationship with their parents.
• Don’t arrive at your parent’s house when you are in the middle of a heated argument with your spouse; it doesn’t look good, and they will likely interfere making the situation worse.
• Always bare in mind that only you can decide who influences your relationship.
• Be polite and welcoming by making the effort to invite your in-laws over for a meal.
• Ensure that you allow your in-laws to spend real quality time with their grandchildren. The family is of particular importance for older generations, and they cherish time with newcomers in the family.
Don’t overact if you find yourself encountering difficulties within your marriage; it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s over. It’s okay to experience hiccups along the way. The important thing is that you work together to overcome the obstacles in front of you. If you do the latter, you will come out of the turbulence stronger than before.